Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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