I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
