Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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