Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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