I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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