so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
