If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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