Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
