If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
