i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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