I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
