happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
