Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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