it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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