Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
