I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
