Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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