A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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