i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
