You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
