WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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