I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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