All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
