Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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