I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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