i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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