he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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