Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
