yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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