what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
