So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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