I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
