Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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