I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize