did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
