Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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