woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
