we have pet lesbian snakes
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
