I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize