I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
