Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
