There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize