You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a beard to bite.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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