She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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