A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
