I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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