No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
