dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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