I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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