Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
