I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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