So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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