Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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