the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize