I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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