my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
