The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
