Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
