I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
