Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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